Biopsy, Echocardiogram, Fertility Testing Oh My!!

So since my last posting it has been a little crazy to say the least.  I have wanted to post, but I have been running around a bunch. Let me fill everyone in on what has been going on in Jenna land.

I had a fairly relaxing weekend.  I went to the pool during the day on Saturday.  Then I meet up with two beautiful girls in Bethesda. (Bebe and Tara) and had a wonderful girls night out.  We had a drink at the Barking Dog.  And then had Tapa's at Jaleo.  YUM!! We met an guy who was very talkative and had an artistic talent with regards to paper.  I personally did not mind him, although Tara did not like him to much.  :-)

Sunday was spent relaxing, doing laundry, cleaning a bit, picking up prescriptions and going to the grocery store.

Monday 79/12 Was very busy.  I had two medical appointments.  I started the day at 8:15am to get my mediport checked.  Everything was okay there.  They needed to make sure it was healing okay.  I asked questions about what signs I needed to look for, in case of infections.  As I am at risk of blood clots.  She said, fever, soreness in the arm, no muscle tone, swelling in the arm and neck. 

After that appointment I had to go to have an echo cardiogram.  This appointment was at 9:40am This is where they basically look at your heart with a sonogram machine.  The appointment was to last about 40min.  You lay on your left side propped up with some cushions, laying your head on a pillow.  97% of the way in to the procedure, the power goes out in the building and the building next to us.  The office is in Fairfax across from Fairfax Hospital.  I was told to wait on the table for about 5 min until they could figure out what was going on.  They were all walking around with their phones using the flashlight apps, it was very comical.  I got dressed by *my* flashlight app, and was escorted out.  They said they got the most important scans.

I then went on to work and had four clients that day from 11:30 - 4:00. 

on 7/10/12 I went in for my MRI biopsy.  Let me just tell you, this was a bizarre experience.  So it starts off like the regular Breast MRI, except only my right breast hung through the opening.  They started the scan like they usually did, administered the dye when they needed to, until they found what they were looking for, and then pulled me back out.  All the while I needed to remain still.  Then they cleaned off the area, pricked me with the anesthesia drug and numbed the area asking me if I still felt anything.  I said no at some point.  The she said I would hear a drilling sound when she was putting the biopsy needle in.  This was different than the other biopsy.  At some point I began to feel it.  I felt burning.  She had to stop and give me more anesthesia.  But was so nice.  Quickly did that, apologized.  And then started up again and it was over real quick.  The put a marker in.  Mary the nurse clean the area and bandaged it, and then took me upstairs for a Mammogram for images of the marker. After that she cleaned the area and put gauze on it.  She gave me instructions for the next few days and sent me on my way. 

I went to work for a consult from 10:00 - 10:30 came home and then went back to work from 4 - 6:30.

On 7/11/12 I went to the Fertility Clinic as scheduled as I had thought I had started my period on Monday 7/9/12.  But it stopped 7/10/12 and did not reappear.  But they went forward with the blood work and ultrasound anyway.  It came back that my hormones were not ready and it might have just been a false start of my period due to stress.  They wanted me to come back today 7/13/12 to check again.  I then had a 11:00 client and a 12:00 consult.  I was supposed to have a client at 4:00 but at 3:00 they canceled because the little girl had a fever.  So I went home early.  That night I met up with a great old friend from high school, Shannon, who is in the states from Canada.  It was great fun visiting with her.

7/12/12  My day started off very nice, I got to have breakfast with a college buddy, Clay before I went to Therapy.  We shared Bagels.  Then I had Therapy before heading to a long day of work.  I worked from 12:00 - 6:00  Three clients and 2 consults.  I had a date at 7:00.  He was really nice and I hope I get to see him again.  But I think it will be hard to explain the whole cancer think.  I don't know how to do that, and what he will think.  Or when to do that.

7/13/12.  I have no clients today.  YAY, except, this week was one of the smallest amount of clients in a long time and that does not bode well with my budget.  I really need to get more clients that (10 a week)  I need 2x that many.  UGH!!  But today I went back to the fertility clinic and my period I think is beginning...and we are set to begin today.  So I am to take the Femara pills tonight with the Lovenox shots.  Then in two days begin the Gonal F and the Menopur shots. 

At 12:00 I am going to meet up with two old work buddies for lunch in Alexandria and then I have an appointment to talk with someone about wigs.  So a busy day. :-)

Daily Meditation 2

{I always thought some people were just born with self-esteem and others not.  The fact is, the people with self-esteem may have learned to develop it sooner than others, and now it is my turn  -- Laurel Lewis } 

In some ways I think maybe I have thought this way.....from what I can remember I have had low self-esteem.  Although I think that maybe we all are born with it, and lose it due to circumstances and how we choose to deal with them, how we are able to deal with them and the support we have based on the way we have been "trained" to look at things.

So once we learn it is okay to live our lives outside the preconceived norm, and how we want, we can increase our self-esteem and be happy with who we are. 

It's hard for me, because I work with several clients who have self-esteem issues, clients my age, older, and much younger, and I tell them things that hopefully can help them see that they can see themselves in this new way.  I try hard to do it.  I know it is hard.  I let them know it is hard. But it can be possible.  And when they do it, they will begin to feel so much better.  The times I do, I do feel so much better.  Things don't matter....like not having a boyfriend, or being married, or having children yet, or owning a home yet....

My turn will come for those.  I know.  But sometimes it is hard.

This Cancer thing is another road block to get those things I want....makes me frustrated.....but I won't give up.

Shots for Fertility

Mom, Dad, and I went to Shady Grove today so that I could learn how to give myself all of my shots prior to the collection of my eggs.  My dad did not want to be a part of the process, so it was just me and my mom.  I learned how to give myself 3 different types of shots that I will need to administer to my stomach.  (I hate needles.  I am terrified of having to stick a needle in my belly.)    I know I will be able to do it. 

All the prep, was pretty easy.  I don't mind that, and am not worried about that.  It's the actual sticking myself.  (I still turn my head when I get a shot, or have blood drawn.)  I can't very well do that this time.

My mom has to do one shot.  She has to give me one shot in the upper backside 36 hours before the take the eggs.  She practiced a few times.  I have faith in my mom.  I know she can do it.  I don't mind my mom doing it. 

Shots will begin on day 2 of my period coming up.  Possibly next Sunday.  UGH!! 

Daily Meditation

The Hokie Bird always makes me smile.....Think Positive!! HOKIE Strong!!!

My mom gave me this book the other day, that someone gave to her it is called "A Woman's Spirit More Meditations for Women" by: Karen Casey. 
I finally sat down to read it, and want to post parts of what I read and my thoughts on it.  Being a LCSW and giving advice everyday, or nearly everyday to my clients, helps me to put my life into perspective and has helped me grow stronger.  Where I was at 10, 18, 20, 25, 30, and even two weeks ago have changed.  Much because of my life's experiences, what I feel has been thrown at me, how I have dealt with it and from the support of people around me.

I could #1 never ask for better parents and brother than the ones I have.  They have always been by my side.  I have heard and seen many parents that have not been as supportive as mine and it hurts.  My parents have had a rough time due to things that have happened to me.  They are strong to.  I love them so much.  I will say this over and over again I am sure in my blog.  Despite the times I am mean and ugly to them, maybe seem like I don't care, I do. 

Becoming a social worker, despite not making a lot of money and being poor and constantly struggling with money has brought me much insight into my life and also has given me an opportunity to nurture and change the lives of others.  Just yesterday, a child I had worked with posted this.. {Having a child is the greatest blessing I have ever received. Not only was it a blessing having my son, it was a savior. Before I had gotten pregnant, I was a trouble maker,When I found out I was pregnant, I had stopped everything. The time I had my son, the feeling of wanting to do things I used to do faded, Not to mention I had a perfectly healthy baby. He was 7lbs and 14oz To this day, I know God was looking out for me. If I had never gotten pregnant, I will still be getting in trouble , I have been blessed. Having my son has given me every reason to love, live, and be happy. Happy 6th birthday Anthony I love you more than anything ♥}  She has countless times told me that I was her second mother that I supported her.  She wrote this to me, and it broke my heart. {I love you too Jenna Duffy , thank you because when everyone gave up on me you did not !! I'm so thankful god put you in my life ♥ }  To have you know, this young lady got her HS diploma, went back and got her Nursing Certificate and now is attending college.  She is married and has three beautiful sons. 

There are many others that have touched my heart, she was one of my first I worked with in Foster care and I am so glad I made a difference in her life, because she has made a difference in mine.

By helping people, especially now that I am in private practice I am really using all of the skills I have know and tell my clients to use everyday and "it really works!!" I wish I would have believed it sooner and stuck with it.  I am using a book I bought for myself when I was a senior in college...and if I had only stuck with it....I might have saved myself some pain and begun to believe in myself sooner.  (Therapy takes awhile, change takes awhile.  When you don't believe in yourself, changing that takes a while.)  I have my good days, I have my bad days.  But I am getting there.

Soooo back to this book....

The quote at the bottom of the book stated: {I will show God my appreciation for the gift of addiction and sobriety but caring the message through my behavior today.}  So after reading the passage about a woman who is struggling with her new found addiction diagnosis and the changes and how that is going to affect her, I thought it was kind of apperpo to me and my recent Cancer diagnosis.  How can I appreciate this "gift" God has given me.  What positives can I take from it.  There are always positives right?  I do think there are if we look hard enough.  I have found that I am as strong as I think I am.  That I have more friends than I thought I did.  That regardless of what happens.  I am going to make the best of it and the changes that need to happen.  (I need to work out, change me eating habits, go out and enjoy life more, and be more positive.)  All of these are positive.  So today I am going to carry that message....there are positives....and I am going to remember them on the darker days.

Loving Support

I have so many loving supportive friends who have been showing their support for me from the very beginning.  People have sent me notes of encouragement on facebook, called me, taken me out for lunch/ breakfast/ dinner, sent me food, cards, made things for me, and offered whatever they have to give. 

It is amazing the outpouring of support that I have been given.  It gives me the hope and encouragement that I can get through this awful disease.  I never knew I had so many people that actually cared about what happened to me.  I don't feel as if I have a lot of friends, as most nights and weekend I am alone. I don't have people to do things with during the week or the weekend when I want to do things.  I used to, but I don't anymore.  I know most of it is that lives change, people move away, many of my friends are married and have children and don't have the time any more, and some of of my friends decided that our friendship needed to end or change where we either don't see each other anymore or can't see each other in the same way.  One of my closest friends growing up is not even aware I have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  It's nice to have people reach out during their busy lives to show they care.  Even people who I was not friends with before.  I have had a girl from high school, who I knew, friend me on facebook, because another girl, also whom I was not "friends" with, but had classes with, and have become friendly and social with on facebook in the last few years inform her I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She also had been diagnosed with breast cancer and shared her journey and offered to send her wigs to me, which she had planned on donating anyway.  I have also had people's mothers and mother's in law friend me on facebook and send me notes of encouragement and e-mail me.  Everyone's support has been wonderful.  Everyone has their own way of giving and supporting and it is great.  Whatever way you can give and support it is received with a smile and encouragement.

I have been asked by MANY what can they do, what do I want?  Anything.  I am NOT good with asking for help.  I am not good with asking people for doing things for me.  Even though I work with people and tell them they need to work on that.  I struggle with that.  I am a caretaker.  But a lot of it is, I don't know the Specifics of what I want or need.  Generally...what I want or need, if you can, if you are in the area....(Call me and tell me you want to take me out to do some thing.  It does not have to cost anything, just get me out to do something.  I most likely will not say no.  I might not be able to drive, so you might have to pick me up, or it might have to be near me.  If you live to far away, anything you like or can dream of.  A phone call, e-mail, whatever.  :-)  I am not picky.  Like I said, whatever, is fully received with love and a smile.)

Here is something that one of my friends has made for me:

 Notice they are wearing TEAM Jenna Shirts!!

So thank you Everyone for what you have done.  What you are thinking about doing, and all the prayers and love!!

Lunch with A Bestie

I finally was able to have lunch with my best friend Eric....it made me extremly happy.  We had not seen each other in almost a month...due to his schedule.  We had talked a couple times...and texted a couple times more.  But I really needed to see him. 

We went to have Sushi, since when I start Chemo I will not be allowed to have it anymore.  :-)  It was good.  I filled him in on everything I knew at this time.  It was great to hang out with him, as he always makes me feel at ease.  He always makes me feel good.

I reminded him of when I was going to lose my hair and when I was going to need him, 2-3 weeks after the start of Chemo on Aug 3rd.  To give him a heads up.  Remind him he promised me he would shave the rest of my hair.

This was the day after the "crazy storm" that hit here...and everyones power was out.  I had power...so we had to make sure where we went had power.  As he drove, we saw lines and lines of cars at gas stations and he said people were crazy drivers who did not obey the laws when the lights were out at traffic lights. 

Two "OLD" pics of Eric and I that I found and like.....

He is my best friend and has been forever!!  Glad despite all the crap in our lives we have been able to remain friends.

Chemo Class and Follow up with the Surgeon

I woke up this morning in excruciating pain, no joke....I felt like I was having a heart attack, but on my right side...so I knew it could not be.   My chest was tight and I could barely move. It hurt to breathe.  Where they had inserted the Mediport was killing me.  All of the pain meds wore off.

I call my  parents at 6:00am, my mom answers the phone and tell her I need them to take me to my appts today.  I get up and get a new icepack, take some pain meds and lay back down until my alarm is set to go off. 

I get ready, still in pain and 40 min until my appt for my Chemo class, my parents have not shown up....they are usually early for things...and I was starting to wonder what was going on.  I call my dad's cell, and he was still at home. They did not "know" (forgot) that I had the 9:00am Chemo class.  They only thought I had the 11:30 follow-up meeting with my surgeon.  UGH!!  I was tired, in pain, and irritated.  NOT a good combination.  I tell my dad to forget it.  My mom calls back and I end up yelling at her through tears.  Telling her what appt I am going to. 

Feeling incredibly guilty while I drive still in pain I go to my oncologists office where I thought the Chemo class was.  When I get there, I was told the class was across the street.  Of course I got in the wrong lane, traffic was horrible...and it was making me late for my appt. I hate being late.

Chemo class was informative, and I learned a lot.  I was able to ask questions.  I felt a bit more reassured of the process.....despite not having my time line for Chemo set out.  The Nurse who gave the information was super informative and super nice.  She was reassuring, calming, and really was available for everyones individual needs.

I then went over to the surgeon's appt, met up with mom and dad.  That appt went well.  My incision from my sentinel lymph node surgery is healing well.  She said I won't need to see her again until closer to the end of my chemo procedure.  This is where we will talk about the mastectomy or partial mastectomy and pick a plastic surgeon. I know who I want to be my surgeon is what I am thinking....
ugh, thinking I still need to write my letter to him.

Mom and Dad, love them both......drive me to work, after we eat lunch at one of my go to restaurants near my home "The Coyote Grill."  I get tons of facebook messages from my friends, which always uplifts me.  Makes me smile and keeps my spirits hi.  Knowing the support I have, and knowing that so many people are praying and thinking of me.