What a Day!!!

This is Sasha - My Brother and sister-in-laws dog She is adorable. 
Got to watch her last weekend and I might get to watch her next weekend.  Her "sister"
no relation came to.  They like to cuddle, play and sleep.  Her sister likes to cause "trouble"  Which is
why I gave her the nickname "Trouble"  I added this picture to this blog, because this blog was about undying love
and support and caring and these dogs give it too.  Helped me unwind. Perfect Picture for the love I felt from everyone
unselfish, and very straight from the heart.

I was never to expect the love and support I received from so many people today...and it all came from me ranting and raving this morning frustrated with my financial situation due to my bills that have resulted from this "Cancer" and my Migraines.  Like I said I just can not catch a break in the financial department with my medical issues.  My insurance company just sucks....and due to having to have my own, and being denied from a pretty good one when my Cora was up in February 2011, I had to get this sub par insurance with crazy deductible, co-insurance, and co-pay for all visits after the deductible being met (30% of allowable charge until your out of pocket is met.)  CRAZY! 

On top of it, I work with Insurance companies, who are back-logged and have out-standing payments owed to me for clients I have seen in March, April, May, June, and July...well and of course the two days in August.  SMH!!  So that is a big reason I am stressed with the money situation.  I never know what I am going to get paid, when, but the bills keep coming in, and need to be paid.  Not to mention when January rolls around my deducible starts over again and I may need surgery, radiation, and I will have to continue to receive on of the cancer infusion drugs ever 3 weeks until Next August.

BuuuuT let me get to the love part and get away from the stress part.  I was sitting in the pretty nice infusion chair (well as nice as they can be.) The are semi reclinable...push back and legs lift up.  I brought my down pillow, and my hokie snuggie.  I did not put my arms in the sleeves...but I did cover my legs up.  My nurse who took care of me, said she wanted to have me because her daughter went to TECH, and said Once a HOKIE always a HOKIE, and knew I would be cool.  :-) :-) ;-) there.

So chatting with my mom, having a snack or too.  I was checking my e-mail and they were links to something I did not quite understand.  Then I was like...urg?  twisted me head until I read what LORI had written.  She made tears build up in my eyes, at the sheer generosity and sheer kindness she had thought about in doing this.  Lori, as she/ you had said we are kindred spirits. 

Lori and I meet, over 10 years ago at a HOKIE tailgate via a guy I "dated" whom was was a mutual friend of many of my guy friends in the HT's.  She has always had a great big heart and always been doing super special things for those she cares about.  I meet several other wonderful ladies through her and for a few years when we all were around we did lots of "fun" girl things."  OHHH I miss those days.....

Lori Started this Page for me, to help raise money to help me out with my financial obligations so I did not need to be stressed about it.  http://lorihokie.blogspot.com/2012/08/blog-post.html  Like I said I was in shock.  But what came more in shock, an still is in shock to me...is how many people are actually donating and the amount at which you are donating.   I know everyone is struggling these days and everyone has it tight.  Don't feel pressured in any way.  I would love to hang out with you or spend time doing something for "free" like a museum, or go hiking, or phone calls or whatever.  But it is awesome to see people do things like this with people I have not spoken to in a long time, and with people I see once or twice a year or with people I have never meet but on facebook.  I would love to meet you!!  If I don't have a mailing address be expecting an e-mail from me to get your address to thank you.  Because you made me day!!  Everyone who has helped out has made my day!

My stress has lowered so I can concentrate on getting better and resting, so I can concentrate on my clients who have so many problems, anxiety, depression, marriage issues, parenting problems, behavior problem, suicidal problems, drinking problems, etc.  I want to be at my best s I can give them the best.  Because that is what makes me feel  the best.

I want to feel less stress so I can want to want to take pictures....I love taking pictures...but have lacked the energy, from this and just trying to get life squared away. 

So everyone.  GOD BLESS.  Cancer was the last thing I wanted, but it surely showed me that I am loved and how much love and support people truly give to their friends and supportive network when in need.

I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU.  AND A BIG SPECIAL HUG to LORI for not only doing this, giving me earrings, the t-shirts....but she also got me a True Hope Moxi girl (which in time I will get a pic of) who has a bald head, to cheer me on my journey!!

I love you Lori!!!

Loving Support

I have so many loving supportive friends who have been showing their support for me from the very beginning.  People have sent me notes of encouragement on facebook, called me, taken me out for lunch/ breakfast/ dinner, sent me food, cards, made things for me, and offered whatever they have to give. 

It is amazing the outpouring of support that I have been given.  It gives me the hope and encouragement that I can get through this awful disease.  I never knew I had so many people that actually cared about what happened to me.  I don't feel as if I have a lot of friends, as most nights and weekend I am alone. I don't have people to do things with during the week or the weekend when I want to do things.  I used to, but I don't anymore.  I know most of it is that lives change, people move away, many of my friends are married and have children and don't have the time any more, and some of of my friends decided that our friendship needed to end or change where we either don't see each other anymore or can't see each other in the same way.  One of my closest friends growing up is not even aware I have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  It's nice to have people reach out during their busy lives to show they care.  Even people who I was not friends with before.  I have had a girl from high school, who I knew, friend me on facebook, because another girl, also whom I was not "friends" with, but had classes with, and have become friendly and social with on facebook in the last few years inform her I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She also had been diagnosed with breast cancer and shared her journey and offered to send her wigs to me, which she had planned on donating anyway.  I have also had people's mothers and mother's in law friend me on facebook and send me notes of encouragement and e-mail me.  Everyone's support has been wonderful.  Everyone has their own way of giving and supporting and it is great.  Whatever way you can give and support it is received with a smile and encouragement.

I have been asked by MANY what can they do, what do I want?  Anything.  I am NOT good with asking for help.  I am not good with asking people for doing things for me.  Even though I work with people and tell them they need to work on that.  I struggle with that.  I am a caretaker.  But a lot of it is, I don't know the Specifics of what I want or need.  Generally...what I want or need, if you can, if you are in the area....(Call me and tell me you want to take me out to do some thing.  It does not have to cost anything, just get me out to do something.  I most likely will not say no.  I might not be able to drive, so you might have to pick me up, or it might have to be near me.  If you live to far away, anything you like or can dream of.  A phone call, e-mail, whatever.  :-)  I am not picky.  Like I said, whatever, is fully received with love and a smile.)

Here is something that one of my friends has made for me:

 Notice they are wearing TEAM Jenna Shirts!!

So thank you Everyone for what you have done.  What you are thinking about doing, and all the prayers and love!!

The Day that Changed My Life Forever

I was starting my day as usual, today on June 12th.  I had a client I had to see at 9:00am at my office in Herndon.  I was scheduled to see 3 more clients later that afternoon at 4:00 - 7:00pm.  While I was with my 9:00 client I missed a call from the radiologist, Angelique Flourke from Washington Radiologist Associates.  She told me she had the results of the biopsy she had preformed on June 8, 2012.  Before leaving the office to go home until my afternoon clients I tried to call Dr. Flourke back.  She was with a patient at that time so I was told she would be able to call me when she was finished. 

I packed my stuff to go home, praying for good news, praying that it was benign, and that if at most it would be a Neurofibroma that needed to be removed because maybe it was growing to big.  I could handle that. 

I was driving home, and I got the call from her.  I had to pull to the side of the road.  I was on route 50, headed east, just passed 66 and Fair Oaks Mall.  I had to pull to the side of the road so I could talk to her.  I pulled out a notebook I had in my bag and listened.  Not to well mind you....my mind was racing a mile a min.  She said what we found was cancer cells.  She told me I had a form of cancer called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  I had to have her spell it out...one because I was shocked, and two as everyone who knows me, knows I can't spell worth a darn.  She said the tumor was "small" about 1cm in size.  She said I need to call a Oncology Breast Surgeon.  She had given me the name of Dr. Constanza Cocilovo at INOVA Breast Cancer Center.  She was able to give me the number for her.  She told me she would call my primary doctor to let her know the results.

I did not cry, I was in shock.  I think some tears fell, but I knew I needed to get home before I called anyone.  I wanted to call someone right then...but I did not know if I could talk, or if I would break down or what.  I just could not believe it.

The first call I made was to my Office manager Brenda Park.  I told her I need to cancel my afternoon appts because I just found out I had breast cancer.  Brenda is wonderful.  She listened and was supportive and she took care of canceling the appts for me so I did not have to worry about them.

Then I called my dad, as he is not working, having been layed of and looking for another job.  Again, no tears, just trying to get the information I got.  I was also trying to frantically look up stuff on the Internet to better understand what was going on. 

My dad called my mom at work and she came home.  She told me she broke down and cried at work.  I hate to see, or hear my parents in pain.  They have been through so much because of me.  From the time I was born they have had to go through many hospitalizations and what not, through my depression issues.  I just want things to be good so I can not make them so sad.  (I know I am not the cause of all these things, I do feel some guilt, (cognitive distortion), but I want them to be able to relax and not have to "worry" about me and take care of me for once.  It was finally happening until this!!

Mom called when she got home.  Talked with her.  I then needed to talk with my brother.  I think my brother took it super hard.  I don't know.  My brother and I have a good relationship, but we don't hang out.  I know my brother cares about me and worries about me a lot in all aspects of my life.  He always has.  He has stood up for me when I was teased when I was younger.  He looked over me when going out to make sure guys don't take advantage of me.  He is a wonderful brother.  He is my younger, but very mature, caring, loving and understanding brother.  He listened, he did not say much because I am assuming he did not know what to say.  He told me to be strong, not to go out and drink to much, because that was what he would do.  He said we can get through this.  It was at the time one of the longest conversations I have had with my brother on the phone and I loved it.  I try to wear a necklace he gave me for Christmas in 2009, when I was really depressed, as much as I can, as it makes me feel close to him, and that he is there for me.  (It is the loving embrace or warm embrace necklace from Kay Jewelers.) 

My dad called my relatives, and I got a call from my Aunt Trish.  She lives in Destin Florida.  She told me if I wanted a break she would send me a ticket to Florida to visit.  I would love to, let's see if I can get this fit in somewhere!!

My Uncle Craig, sent me e-mail.  Very supportive talking about his recent cancer diagnosis, and that he has fought it, and that he is now in remission, and that they originally only gave him 2 - 4 months to live and now they are projecting at least 10 more good years.  He also told me that his mother had breast cancer back in the 70's and she lived into her 70's.  And I should know that cancer treatment is so much better now, that he is sure I am in good hands and that it was caught early will make a good prognosis.

Once I let family know, I sent out a notice to friends on facebook.  The outpouring of support and love overwhelmed me.  It made me feel so strong and knew I could get through this.  (Still I have only shed a few tears, not really cried.  My eyes have only just misted up in talking to my family)

I then called my one of my Best Friends Shanna, whose husband is a radiologist.  Told her the facts, still no tears, still in shock.  Shanna listened she told me she would do anything I needed, even come to appts with me as she is a stay at home mom with her little one Camilla.

I called my other Best Friend Denise in Chester.  Talked with her for a while. She is always do supportive to.  Again no tears.  Denise is so strong and supportive. 

I called and then texted my Best friend Mel, also my big sister in my sorority in Chesapeake, I also texted her husband, cause usually I get a better response from her, when I get him to have her call me.  She called me back within 20 minutes.  She was in shock, but strong and supportive.  Her older sister is in recovery from her Breast Cancer diagnosis.  She gave me her number to call to talk to her sister.  (Mel's family is like one of my second families.)  Mel sent her love and hugs and kisses.

I then attempted to call my Best Friends Eric.  I could not get in touch with him.  I texted him, two times saying I needed to talk to him.  (around 11am 2pm).  I finally just sent him a text to say I had Breast Cancer because I needed him to know, and I had no idea what his schedule was or where he was.  I was hoping when he saw that he would be able to call me back.  Not until almost 9:00pm did he call.  He had been in a conference all day.  He was in shock too.  Did not know much to say.  I wanted him to come over....but I knew 9:00 was late.  I just need a hug.

Having announced this diagnosis and seeing the loving support from old friends, new friends, friends and family of friends, and even from people I was not close to from HS and college is amazing and wonderful.  It makes me strong, knowing that everyone is there for me.  That through tragedy or something tuff, can come something strong.  I am so thankful for Facebook, as I think it helped me deal with the news in a great way!