Yes, I did Survive!!!!
This Friday, April 19th, 2 days before my 38th birthday I will be undergoing the second stage of my breast reconstruction for my bilateral mastectomy. This is not where I thought I would be today. This is not what I thought I would be doing on my 38th birthday. I had always dreamed I would be married by the time I was 27, have children by the time I was 29. HA! That was a dream, because I never really dated anyone, not until I was in grad school....not until I met a sweet, funny catholic boy who swept me off my feet. I still culd have been married by 27. But it did not happen and my dream ended.
Dreams are only that, wishes we want, but they are ever changing. I still want to get married and have children of my own. But I might have to do things a bit different than I had hoped. I am much older....will be 38, not in a relationship. Don't have my period back, don't know if it is coming back (need lot's of prayers for everyone to get it to come back) YES I want it back, haha. It is weird to say that, I want my period back, however nice it is not to have it, there are some drawbacks to not having it. SEX hurts like a Mother. I love Sex, and it hurts me. NOT Good!! Plus, I want kids of my own in 2018 when I can have them, and with out the period I can not have them with out trying to use the eggs I stashed away. UGH!! And who knows if that will work!! :-/
BUT, regardles, I WILL SURVIVE!!!
It's ironic I felt like posting today. The I will survive. April 16th We remember Virginia Tech....We will Survive, The Boston Marathon.....we Will Survive....We will Survive this.
It hurts, it is hard, we struggle. I struggle. We all have struggles. No one knows what others struggle through on a daily basis. But we all survive. Don't pass judgement on others pain, on others issues. You don't know, until you walk in their shoes.
I write this to let people know my struggles....
I have continued pain in my hands and feet. Neuropothy, feeling of tightness, numbness, tingling. I trip because I have no feeling in my feet sometimes. I get hot flashes so bad I feel like I am burning up and my clothes get drenched ( I am only 37/38). My boobs are in pain. The are also very numb.
I have huge medical bills still. I pay around $750 a month in medical bills. I will be doing this until October to pay all of them off. It is crazy. This does not include the premium. In addition to all the other normal bills I have. I have had to work through my treatment just to pay for it. So sometimes I feel so exhausted. I have no had a chance to have "fun"
I am not going to be able to go to a friends wedding in Washington (the State) can't afford it. I needed help to pay the federal gov't for my taxes. I feel like I am drowing....and i work non stop.
Gotta go to work....be there till 8pm....
