The Day that Changed My Life Forever

I was starting my day as usual, today on June 12th.  I had a client I had to see at 9:00am at my office in Herndon.  I was scheduled to see 3 more clients later that afternoon at 4:00 - 7:00pm.  While I was with my 9:00 client I missed a call from the radiologist, Angelique Flourke from Washington Radiologist Associates.  She told me she had the results of the biopsy she had preformed on June 8, 2012.  Before leaving the office to go home until my afternoon clients I tried to call Dr. Flourke back.  She was with a patient at that time so I was told she would be able to call me when she was finished. 

I packed my stuff to go home, praying for good news, praying that it was benign, and that if at most it would be a Neurofibroma that needed to be removed because maybe it was growing to big.  I could handle that. 

I was driving home, and I got the call from her.  I had to pull to the side of the road.  I was on route 50, headed east, just passed 66 and Fair Oaks Mall.  I had to pull to the side of the road so I could talk to her.  I pulled out a notebook I had in my bag and listened.  Not to well mind you....my mind was racing a mile a min.  She said what we found was cancer cells.  She told me I had a form of cancer called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  I had to have her spell it out...one because I was shocked, and two as everyone who knows me, knows I can't spell worth a darn.  She said the tumor was "small" about 1cm in size.  She said I need to call a Oncology Breast Surgeon.  She had given me the name of Dr. Constanza Cocilovo at INOVA Breast Cancer Center.  She was able to give me the number for her.  She told me she would call my primary doctor to let her know the results.

I did not cry, I was in shock.  I think some tears fell, but I knew I needed to get home before I called anyone.  I wanted to call someone right then...but I did not know if I could talk, or if I would break down or what.  I just could not believe it.

The first call I made was to my Office manager Brenda Park.  I told her I need to cancel my afternoon appts because I just found out I had breast cancer.  Brenda is wonderful.  She listened and was supportive and she took care of canceling the appts for me so I did not have to worry about them.

Then I called my dad, as he is not working, having been layed of and looking for another job.  Again, no tears, just trying to get the information I got.  I was also trying to frantically look up stuff on the Internet to better understand what was going on. 

My dad called my mom at work and she came home.  She told me she broke down and cried at work.  I hate to see, or hear my parents in pain.  They have been through so much because of me.  From the time I was born they have had to go through many hospitalizations and what not, through my depression issues.  I just want things to be good so I can not make them so sad.  (I know I am not the cause of all these things, I do feel some guilt, (cognitive distortion), but I want them to be able to relax and not have to "worry" about me and take care of me for once.  It was finally happening until this!!

Mom called when she got home.  Talked with her.  I then needed to talk with my brother.  I think my brother took it super hard.  I don't know.  My brother and I have a good relationship, but we don't hang out.  I know my brother cares about me and worries about me a lot in all aspects of my life.  He always has.  He has stood up for me when I was teased when I was younger.  He looked over me when going out to make sure guys don't take advantage of me.  He is a wonderful brother.  He is my younger, but very mature, caring, loving and understanding brother.  He listened, he did not say much because I am assuming he did not know what to say.  He told me to be strong, not to go out and drink to much, because that was what he would do.  He said we can get through this.  It was at the time one of the longest conversations I have had with my brother on the phone and I loved it.  I try to wear a necklace he gave me for Christmas in 2009, when I was really depressed, as much as I can, as it makes me feel close to him, and that he is there for me.  (It is the loving embrace or warm embrace necklace from Kay Jewelers.) 

My dad called my relatives, and I got a call from my Aunt Trish.  She lives in Destin Florida.  She told me if I wanted a break she would send me a ticket to Florida to visit.  I would love to, let's see if I can get this fit in somewhere!!

My Uncle Craig, sent me e-mail.  Very supportive talking about his recent cancer diagnosis, and that he has fought it, and that he is now in remission, and that they originally only gave him 2 - 4 months to live and now they are projecting at least 10 more good years.  He also told me that his mother had breast cancer back in the 70's and she lived into her 70's.  And I should know that cancer treatment is so much better now, that he is sure I am in good hands and that it was caught early will make a good prognosis.

Once I let family know, I sent out a notice to friends on facebook.  The outpouring of support and love overwhelmed me.  It made me feel so strong and knew I could get through this.  (Still I have only shed a few tears, not really cried.  My eyes have only just misted up in talking to my family)

I then called my one of my Best Friends Shanna, whose husband is a radiologist.  Told her the facts, still no tears, still in shock.  Shanna listened she told me she would do anything I needed, even come to appts with me as she is a stay at home mom with her little one Camilla.

I called my other Best Friend Denise in Chester.  Talked with her for a while. She is always do supportive to.  Again no tears.  Denise is so strong and supportive. 

I called and then texted my Best friend Mel, also my big sister in my sorority in Chesapeake, I also texted her husband, cause usually I get a better response from her, when I get him to have her call me.  She called me back within 20 minutes.  She was in shock, but strong and supportive.  Her older sister is in recovery from her Breast Cancer diagnosis.  She gave me her number to call to talk to her sister.  (Mel's family is like one of my second families.)  Mel sent her love and hugs and kisses.

I then attempted to call my Best Friends Eric.  I could not get in touch with him.  I texted him, two times saying I needed to talk to him.  (around 11am 2pm).  I finally just sent him a text to say I had Breast Cancer because I needed him to know, and I had no idea what his schedule was or where he was.  I was hoping when he saw that he would be able to call me back.  Not until almost 9:00pm did he call.  He had been in a conference all day.  He was in shock too.  Did not know much to say.  I wanted him to come over....but I knew 9:00 was late.  I just need a hug.

Having announced this diagnosis and seeing the loving support from old friends, new friends, friends and family of friends, and even from people I was not close to from HS and college is amazing and wonderful.  It makes me strong, knowing that everyone is there for me.  That through tragedy or something tuff, can come something strong.  I am so thankful for Facebook, as I think it helped me deal with the news in a great way!

My First Biopsy

A biopsy, what is that?  I was not taking anyone to this appt, because no information was going to be exchanged...just some simple procedure.  I met the most wonderful RN and Breast Care Navigator, Mary McCarthy.  She was super sweet, gentle and very loving.  Talking with her about how I found out and that if and when I have my breast surgery, I wanted to have Dr. Scott Spear do anything related to breast reconstruction on my breasts. 

(He is an  amazing plastic surgeon, who when I was younger, did all of the reconstructive surgery to my face, in fact he did all of the surgeries but one to help my face look my symmetrical and help my right eye sink back in.  Taking a rib bone to use it as bone abound my eye, and leaving a minimal scar at a place where my breast would form and it would be totally hidden.  Since I was younger, Dr Spear began to specialize in Breast Surgery, both for cosmetic reasons and for people who have undergone partial and full mastectomies.  I joked with him when I last saw him early 2000's that if I ever needed anything done with my breasts he would be the one I would come to.) 

Mary knew of him, how can anyone not...as he his voted top in this area for this.  But Dr. Angelique Flourke, my Breast Radiologist also knew him and I think worked with him before at Georgetown where she had practiced.  Dr. Flourke was also familiar with Neurofibrmatosis, which is very reassuring.  She stated that it was one of the things they taught medical students about.  This put me at ease because that was one of my questions for them, could the lumps be a Neurofibroma.  She said with the biopsy they would find out.

The biopsy itself was not too painful.  They used an ultrasound machine to detect where the lump was, and then they marked the area.  Cleaned it, gave me a shot of numbing medication (ugh, I hate shots or injections!!!) The stuck in the thing for the biopsy.  It makes a clicking noise when in takes stuff, and I could not feel that. Just sounded weird.  They were both gentle and nice explaining everything along the way.  Mary then took me over to do another mammogram....YUCK!!  I hate those....smoosh of the boob in the machine.  Afterwards got little ice pack and was bandaged up.  I felt ok, a little sore, but ok. 

I had to get going because I had to meet up with three girls I placed for adoption in 2009 and their family as the oldest one just graduated.  I was going to meet them for lunch.  I was sooo happy to see them.  It kept my mind off everything that just went on.  Knowing how they are doing and what is going on in their lives.  One of the little girls has to undergo surgery herself this summer for the 3rd or more time. (not sure).  When working with her I had started the process to get her help as one of her legs is shorter than the other.  She was super special to me.  My young lady who was graduating was one I cared about a lot too, as she struggled the most emotionally and I know she has a strong heart and spirit.  And she said b/c of me, she wants to become a Social Worker.  That makes me so happy to have that influence.  It was also so great to see the little one.  She has grown up and is beautiful  She and I did not bond as much, but she is super special to me all the same.  Here are my girls below.  Despite what was going on in my life, I needed to see them and let them know how special they were to me.

Doing things kept my mind off of what was going on, and was not giving me a chance to worry what the results were.  Besides I did not think it was going to be anything.  Everyone was praying for me.  I knew it was going to be benign and just a Neurofibroma.

My First Mammogram

I went to Washington Radiology Associates, for my First ever Mammogram.  I don't know what to expect, Have no idea what it is going to be like.  If someone had told me about what had happened....I did not remember at this time. 

So as I was sitting in the office, filling out the paperwork, I had to decide if I wanted the standard 2D mammogram or the new 3D one, which the extra cost I have to pay for $50.  Well, What is another $50 when your breasts are concerned, when possible cancer is concerned.  The 3D claims to be better imaging and seeing the lumps. 

I get called, change into the lovely hospital gown, and have my breasts smooched on that machine.  The nurse/ technician was as gentle as she could be, but they have to smash them.  She was like, ok, breathe.....now don't breathe.....She moved my arms and neck in positions where I started to have pain from my back/ neck problems from last year. 

When that was done, I was able to take off my gown and change back into my clothes.  I had worn a strapless sundress to make it easier....and waited in this little waiting room while the doctor looked at the images....

There were two other ladies in the waiting room.  I felt for sure everything was going to be okay at this point.  Nothing was going to be wrong.  One of the women had said she had to have some non-cancerous lumps removed.  I was getting a little nervous....

Then the nurse came back in and said she needed to do a few more images.....I was like, oh please don't let there be anything wrong, I know there is nothing wrong.  I was trying to be positive, the way I tell my clients to be positive to keep my anxiety at bay.  So back in I went for more breast smashing....

I was then called into the doctors office and told that they saw the "lump" and wanted to do a biopsy of it, to see if it was cancerous or benign. Again....I was like, It's got to just be a neurfibroma.  There is no way I have cancer.  They were great, set me up for an appt for a biopsy for the next day June 8, 2012.

I of course informed all my family members, my brother said, it's prob nothing.  It could be a Neurofibroma.  He wanted to be kept in the loop.  Called  Shanna and Denise for support too.  I texted my friend Eric, who I am super close with and he said he had thought he had felt a mass the other week....he did not tell me.  Eric and I have known each other forever(1996) and I am super close to him about personal stuff regarding health and physical illnesses stuff.  Maybe he just did not think to tell me.  I am not sure he realized he should have said something to me, as I do have fibrous breasts.  I never felt the mass and I wash my body everyday feeling myself up.

Not Your Ordinary "Routine" Physical

On May 30th I had what I thought was going to be a routine physical.  I would get my heart, ears, and eyes checked.  Have my blood drawn for the usual lab work to test for cholesterol, vitamin deficiencies, thyroid, STDs, etc.  I also was having my annual Pap smear and breast exam.  Check on some skin stuff I had questions about.

But as my primary was doing the breast exam, she exclaimed to me that she felt a small lump on the outer side of my left breast.  She asked me if I had noticed this before.  Uhh, no!!  I don't routinely do self-check breast exams as they show you.  But I do feel my breasts often enough to have an idea if I feel something odd, and HONESTLY, I NEVER did.  I was freaking out!  She said to me, I am going to send you to have a mammogram, it could be ANYTHING, a cyst, fibrous tissue, and even for me a Neurofibroma (a non-cancerous tumor related to my Neurofibromatosis.)  I kept saying to myself, Please don't let this be cancer, please don't let this be cancer.....

I called for the Mammogram and it was scheduled for June 7, 2012, almost a week later.  Praying, trying to think positive to the mammogram.