The Final Chemo Treatment

Today I had my Final Chemo Treatment!!!  Yay!!!  These past 3 months have gone by soooo fast! I can not believe it.  I am so excited!!  Just need to get over this one week hump of super bad feelings after the chemo and I can manage the other two weeks before my hair starts to grow back. 

 

 

I have a meeting set up with my plastic surgeon in 10 days, so hopefully by the end of the year that can be taken care of.  I will also have to go back every three weeks for Herceptin, but my oncologist said there is no side effects from this and I can go back to eating and doing all those things I had to stop doing.  (Sushi, manicure pedicures, Indian Buffets, Brunch Buffets, etc)  :-)  And as mentioned my hair will start to grow back!!!  I am so excited to have my hair grow back and see what color and style it comes back as!!

 

I still need to contact my Cancer doctor to see what tests need to be run, and will do that Monday, so hopefully I can get that in before my appointment before my surgeon sees me, so nothing will mess up surgery.  I will let everyone know the plans.  I would like to start off 2013, with a FRESH start!!  Be Cancer Free, with new boobies!!! 

 

Thanks again for everyone's support!! I meet some of you recently who have supported me who are new friends and it is great!!!  Can't wait to meet a few more of you!!  A positive attitude sure has helped a lot!!  It has passed the time and made me forget about the struggles.

 

Here is to a good quick week and three week period until my hair grows back!!  YAY!!!!

 





Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

I sometimes am kinda glad I live alone and without anyone.  I don't know.  When I felt as awful as I did yesterday and last night I think I would have been embarrassed by how sick I was to have someone there.  As there really is nothing anyone can do for me.

I was so sick to my stomach, I slept most of the day and then in the evening I was super constipated, along with pain with trying to go to the bathroom all night.  It was a Mess. I was a mess I tell you.  Going back and forth into the bathroom from feeling like I was going to wretch to the other, but that was sooo painful.  And when I felt the need to vomit, it hurt me down there.  I went from cold to hot in a matter of seconds.  I felt dizzy and light headed.  I felt like I was going to die.

Having someone here to see me like that ughh!! I can not imagine.  And what could they do, nothing!  I would want them to take away the pain, but they couldn't.  I would just interrupt any sleep they got. 

Am I better today?  A little but still nauseous.  I got sick a little bit ago when I thought of eating.  NOT good.  :-(

Na Na Na Na...Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey....

GOOD BYE.

So last night, was the night.  Eric, my "knight in shinning armor" cut my hair and shaved my head.  It was so traumatic for me.  He was so good about it though.  We set up in my room, I closed the mirror on my vanity so I could not see it being cut off.  I could not look at myself.  I did not want to see it being cut off.  Eric was so gentle.  We saved parts of my hair so I can remember what it looked like for the final time.  Eric told me I looked good when it was all done.  I was thinking he was crazy, as i was sitting there.  He told me that you could see the pattern my hair grows in.  He talked me through the process.  It was cathartic for me to have him being him.  I am glad I asked him to do this for me, rather than go to a salon.  He was super supportive.  He hugged me, and held me when I cried.  He said, "noooo" when I finally looked in the mirror and told him I thought I looked ugly, seeing the buzz cut and seeing the scars from my 6 surgeries.  My buzz hair was soft and spiky just like his.  hehe.  Afterwards, we went to dinner.  I wore a scarf on my head.  It is hard looking at myself with no hair.  I look sick.  I look like a cancer patient.  That scares me.  That upsets me.  I just try to avoid mirrors.  That I am used to. 

 

Can't wait for this to be done with so I can have my hair start to regrow.  I am just ready to kick cancers butt already! 

Hair, My Glorious Hair......

So "THE" day has finally come.  I know it would.  I have been anxiously awaiting it.  The oncologist was correct.  I have finally started to lose my hair. The hair on my legs I can pull out with no pain whatsoever... it will just basically fall out.

I was brushing my hair and then ran my hand through my hair and pulled a small little group of about 10 hairs out.  More than you normally get when you lose your hair running your hand through it. 

Me being the sentimental one....is putting the strands from my head into a folder to then transfer to an envelope.  (the last of my hair.)   I have an envelope from "my last haircut,"  which was ever so traumatic.

I am scared to go to bed, b/c I am afraid I am going to wake up with no hair.  I "know" this is not going to happen, BUT that us the image I have in my head.

I am glad I LOVE my wigs.  It helps so much.   I now have 5 very different wigs to wear. 

Eric and I are going to do a "fun with wigs" photo shoot over a few days at some point when we can coordinate our schedules and the way I feel. I will wear different outfits, the same ones with the different wigs in different settings.  And we will do some with my with no hair.  After I edit and process the photo shoot I will post the results of our work and Eric's photo work.  He is an amazing photographer!!  I trust him to do a great job and to have fun with me with this process.  I am already thinking of Business with a skirt and pants, casual with jeans, casual spring/ fall, casual summer, casual winter, formal, Virginia Tech outfit, and one in a bikini.  Any other suggestions??  Anything anyone wants to see?

Chugging Along

Writting this early cause I can't sleep.  one of the side effects of the drugs....as well as one of my many "isses" 

I am keeping my head up, as much as I can say.  I was going to try and post on Tuesday, my first day back at work, but it was a miserable day back at work and I have been going to bed at 9:00pm.  The mantra I had was "It's all in your head," "You can get through this."  My stomach was weak, achy, nauseous, and crampy.  I was feeling like I was needing to have to go to the bathroom every 20 min or so.  I was sitting with my clients and, smiling, in pain, as my stomach was in pain. 

So for next treatment week Tuesdays after, will be a light day. 

Over all so far, I have mostly been Nauseous, crampy, not really feeling the need to eat ( I have been eating though), hard to get comfortable, have had a hard time sleeping, especially tonight, can't sleep worth a darn, dry mouth dry lips, some sore muscles, and headaches.  (are the headaches different than my migraines??)

I have also been watching the dogs again, so its been nice to have them here to keep me company.  To keep me busy.  They came over Tuesday night.  They get me out of the house to exercise.  Which I need.  Ohhh tummy is calling again.

Loving Support

I have so many loving supportive friends who have been showing their support for me from the very beginning.  People have sent me notes of encouragement on facebook, called me, taken me out for lunch/ breakfast/ dinner, sent me food, cards, made things for me, and offered whatever they have to give. 

It is amazing the outpouring of support that I have been given.  It gives me the hope and encouragement that I can get through this awful disease.  I never knew I had so many people that actually cared about what happened to me.  I don't feel as if I have a lot of friends, as most nights and weekend I am alone. I don't have people to do things with during the week or the weekend when I want to do things.  I used to, but I don't anymore.  I know most of it is that lives change, people move away, many of my friends are married and have children and don't have the time any more, and some of of my friends decided that our friendship needed to end or change where we either don't see each other anymore or can't see each other in the same way.  One of my closest friends growing up is not even aware I have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  It's nice to have people reach out during their busy lives to show they care.  Even people who I was not friends with before.  I have had a girl from high school, who I knew, friend me on facebook, because another girl, also whom I was not "friends" with, but had classes with, and have become friendly and social with on facebook in the last few years inform her I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She also had been diagnosed with breast cancer and shared her journey and offered to send her wigs to me, which she had planned on donating anyway.  I have also had people's mothers and mother's in law friend me on facebook and send me notes of encouragement and e-mail me.  Everyone's support has been wonderful.  Everyone has their own way of giving and supporting and it is great.  Whatever way you can give and support it is received with a smile and encouragement.

I have been asked by MANY what can they do, what do I want?  Anything.  I am NOT good with asking for help.  I am not good with asking people for doing things for me.  Even though I work with people and tell them they need to work on that.  I struggle with that.  I am a caretaker.  But a lot of it is, I don't know the Specifics of what I want or need.  Generally...what I want or need, if you can, if you are in the area....(Call me and tell me you want to take me out to do some thing.  It does not have to cost anything, just get me out to do something.  I most likely will not say no.  I might not be able to drive, so you might have to pick me up, or it might have to be near me.  If you live to far away, anything you like or can dream of.  A phone call, e-mail, whatever.  :-)  I am not picky.  Like I said, whatever, is fully received with love and a smile.)

Here is something that one of my friends has made for me:

 Notice they are wearing TEAM Jenna Shirts!!

So thank you Everyone for what you have done.  What you are thinking about doing, and all the prayers and love!!

A very Important Surgery!

Has my cancer spread is the big question.  Do I have cancer in my lymph nodes?  Today I had surgery to see if the cancer has metastasized into my lymph nodes.  This is very common in breast cancer.  Especially where my tumor is located, so close to my arm pit area. 

Mom and dad picked me up super early, as I had to be at the hospital at 9:00 am for pre-surgery.  I had to stop eating 12:00am.  I woke up ready for the surgery.  I am an old pro at surgery.  I was not really nervous.  Not even worried to if they were going to find something. I felt confident they wouldn't.  Well....I think really I was not thinking about the results. I was just "doing" the surgery. 

Pre-op was fine, a bazillion nurses, doctors, med students, residents, etc, came in and out of the little cubicle after you are changed into your hospital gown, given a few warn blankets and a lovely "hat" to wear.  They all asked the same or similar questions.  (what meds are you taking, what is your name and bith date, when was the last time you ate and took your meds....)

My doctor came in, and she was really nice, Dr Cocilovo.  A lot different impression than I had the first time.  About 10 - 15 min after I saw her I was being wheeled into the operating room.  After that I don't remember anything until I woke up.  I woke up to a sweet nurse who asked if I wanted anything to drink.  She gave me water, asked my pain level from 1 - 10 and gave me some pain meds.  She did this several times.  It was here I learned the good news that I had no cancer cells in my lymph nodes!!  YAY, I cried happy tears!!  I asked the nurse if I could give her a hug I was so happy.  I did not realize how much I really cared until then.  Of course I cared, but I think it hit me.  :-)  Another 15 - 20 min I was moved to where I could see my parents and then another 15 min I was able to go home.

Now, I was told I could only eat (chicken soup) afterwards, but I wanted Popeye's and mashed potatoes.  And that is what I made my dad get me.  I ate it too, and did not get sick!!  HAHA!!  :-)
Mom and dad stayed with me for a while.  Then I was able to relax. 

I set up an appointment for the next day to get my hair cut, because I have been told it is better to have it short when you start to lose it.   My hair dressor is awesome and I knew he would take care of me.

More Cancer???

So today I am to have my second Biopsy.  I know what to expect this time, so I was not to nervous.  The people at Washington Radiology Associates are awesome.  Today though, I had to wait a lot longer than usual.  They were behind schedule.  Mary was my nurse again.  She brought me back and went over the same questions as before.  I was ready for the biopsy and waiting for the doctor to come in.  Today I had Julianne Greenburg, MD.  She is actually the Director of Mammography at WRA.  She was super nice and as I talked to her, she actually knew my plastic surgeon who I want to use if needed.  It is kinda cool that all of the doctors I am using know each other and have worked together.  It makes me feel good.  Especially since they all are at different hospitals. 

She was able to see what they had noticed in the left breast and able to do a biopsy on the left one, but unable to see what the MRI picked up on the right breast.  She had said that most likely the doctor will want to do a MRI biopsy of the right breast to make sure there is nothing in the right breast.  I was thinking, UGH!!  Just another appointment.  I am not concerned or worried that there is anything there....I am almost certain it is NOTHING.  I am just tired of all the appts, and the cost, don't let me get to you on how the cost of this  is scaring the heck out of me!!

After the biopsy, you have to go in and have another mammogram.  A couple of scan where they squeeze your boobs.  Not fun after they put a needle in you boob. 

So they bandaged me up, gave me a little ice pack to put in my bra and sent me on my way.  I went on my way to work to wait to hear the results.  (Negative to any cancerous cells BTW ;-) )

A Whole New Life Ahead

Today is the day I met with my Oncologist, Anne Favret.  She is amazing.  I loved her.  She was super friendly and went over my Breast Cancer Profile and Breast Cancer Journey in detail with me so that I understood.  So here it is from the latest readings, of the biopsy, mammogram, and MRI:

Size: 1.4 cm
Grade: Moderately Growing
ER: + (good) suggesting a less aggressive tumor
PR: + opens up treatment options
HER2 neu: + (good)  --> acts as a powerful target for treatment
Lymph nodes:  (did not know at the time) *** but now know*** Negative

Histological Subtype: Invasive ductile Carcinoma (most common)

I will be given shots of Zoladex, once a month to quiet my ovaries to help with protecting fertility.

I will be receiving:

Taxotere, Carboplatin, and Herceptin (Targeted therapy --> monocloval ab)  (these are commonally called TCH

I will get 6 treatments every three weeks (21 days) for 18 weeks.  The day after each treatment I will get a shot of Neulasta which will help with my White blood Cells.

I will The continue to receive herceptin every three weeks to complete a year.

I will likely lose my hair within the 2nd week of the first treatment.  It will begin to grow back after the 6th treatment. 

After Chemo ----> Surgery ---> Radiation -----> Pill (Tamoxifin for 5 years)  if I go into early menopause they will switch me to Arimidex and Femara.

She also went over the some of the possible side effects of the chemo I will be taking:

fatigue - the first several days following, nausea, hair loss, possible menopause (but it can come back)

She said these also happen with some people but not all of them:

mouth sores, lowering of the heart rate, lowering of white blood cells, mild anemia, numbness/ tingling in extremities, swelling in joints, remote leukemia, constipation, diarrhea

WOW!!!  Lots of information!!  That's going to be my life for the next 5 years?  Wow!!!  I was just taking it in.  I was thinking, I think the only thing I was thinking was I can't have kids for 5 years now!!  UGH!!  (not that I have anyone to have a child with...but it just sets me back.)  I can handle the rest of this....but the tamoxifin for 5 years?  UGH!!  I know it is necessary.  But wow....I hope someone will want me and will want to deal with that.

First Appt with the Oncological Surgeon

I did not know what to expect from this appointment or what it was for.  I was going into it thinking this is where I would find out what my treatment options I had are for this cancer.  I had filled out all of the forms ahead of time, and bought a pink notebook and a pink breast cancer pen.  I decorated my notebook with stickers of stars, hearts, angels, butterflies, and crosses.  It is my Breast Cancer Notebook where I can put all the information and keep everything together. 

My mom and dad came to the appointment with me.  They met me at the office.  Going into see Dr. Cocilovo was the first time I cried as a result of this diagnosis.  She was going over the probable treatment and the procedures and meetings I needed to still set up.  When she was talking she told me that due to the Chemo that I was most likely going to become infertile.  This is when I lost it.  I just started crying.  I can deal with Cancer.  I can deal with all the appointments and the pain, etc.  But I did not want to become infertile. 

Ever since I  can remember, more than anything I want in my life is to be able to have my own birth child.  I did not want to lose that opportunity because of this.  I know that I could always adopt.  I was an adoption placement worker for goodness sake, I also wrote home studies for other people who wanted to adopt.  Those children are special and those families are special.  But I did not want to lose this opportunity to give birth and raise a child from birth. Adopting an infant would be rare and too hard.  I know, I have been on the placement side.

I left the meeting overwhelmed, and not sure I liked the treatment procedure.  I felt it was to aggressive given the fact that we did not know it was in my lymph nodes or not, and that most people I talked to had surgery first and then chemo, or no chemo at all.  No chemo would protect my fertility. 

I looked up more information on the web, called friends, ended up working on trying to schedule a second opinion appt with the Doctors at Georgetown.  They needed all of my records and notes from the previous doctors.  I called and had this stuff sent to Georgetown Lombardi Cancer Center.

The Day that Changed My Life Forever

I was starting my day as usual, today on June 12th.  I had a client I had to see at 9:00am at my office in Herndon.  I was scheduled to see 3 more clients later that afternoon at 4:00 - 7:00pm.  While I was with my 9:00 client I missed a call from the radiologist, Angelique Flourke from Washington Radiologist Associates.  She told me she had the results of the biopsy she had preformed on June 8, 2012.  Before leaving the office to go home until my afternoon clients I tried to call Dr. Flourke back.  She was with a patient at that time so I was told she would be able to call me when she was finished. 

I packed my stuff to go home, praying for good news, praying that it was benign, and that if at most it would be a Neurofibroma that needed to be removed because maybe it was growing to big.  I could handle that. 

I was driving home, and I got the call from her.  I had to pull to the side of the road.  I was on route 50, headed east, just passed 66 and Fair Oaks Mall.  I had to pull to the side of the road so I could talk to her.  I pulled out a notebook I had in my bag and listened.  Not to well mind you....my mind was racing a mile a min.  She said what we found was cancer cells.  She told me I had a form of cancer called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  I had to have her spell it out...one because I was shocked, and two as everyone who knows me, knows I can't spell worth a darn.  She said the tumor was "small" about 1cm in size.  She said I need to call a Oncology Breast Surgeon.  She had given me the name of Dr. Constanza Cocilovo at INOVA Breast Cancer Center.  She was able to give me the number for her.  She told me she would call my primary doctor to let her know the results.

I did not cry, I was in shock.  I think some tears fell, but I knew I needed to get home before I called anyone.  I wanted to call someone right then...but I did not know if I could talk, or if I would break down or what.  I just could not believe it.

The first call I made was to my Office manager Brenda Park.  I told her I need to cancel my afternoon appts because I just found out I had breast cancer.  Brenda is wonderful.  She listened and was supportive and she took care of canceling the appts for me so I did not have to worry about them.

Then I called my dad, as he is not working, having been layed of and looking for another job.  Again, no tears, just trying to get the information I got.  I was also trying to frantically look up stuff on the Internet to better understand what was going on. 

My dad called my mom at work and she came home.  She told me she broke down and cried at work.  I hate to see, or hear my parents in pain.  They have been through so much because of me.  From the time I was born they have had to go through many hospitalizations and what not, through my depression issues.  I just want things to be good so I can not make them so sad.  (I know I am not the cause of all these things, I do feel some guilt, (cognitive distortion), but I want them to be able to relax and not have to "worry" about me and take care of me for once.  It was finally happening until this!!

Mom called when she got home.  Talked with her.  I then needed to talk with my brother.  I think my brother took it super hard.  I don't know.  My brother and I have a good relationship, but we don't hang out.  I know my brother cares about me and worries about me a lot in all aspects of my life.  He always has.  He has stood up for me when I was teased when I was younger.  He looked over me when going out to make sure guys don't take advantage of me.  He is a wonderful brother.  He is my younger, but very mature, caring, loving and understanding brother.  He listened, he did not say much because I am assuming he did not know what to say.  He told me to be strong, not to go out and drink to much, because that was what he would do.  He said we can get through this.  It was at the time one of the longest conversations I have had with my brother on the phone and I loved it.  I try to wear a necklace he gave me for Christmas in 2009, when I was really depressed, as much as I can, as it makes me feel close to him, and that he is there for me.  (It is the loving embrace or warm embrace necklace from Kay Jewelers.) 

My dad called my relatives, and I got a call from my Aunt Trish.  She lives in Destin Florida.  She told me if I wanted a break she would send me a ticket to Florida to visit.  I would love to, let's see if I can get this fit in somewhere!!

My Uncle Craig, sent me e-mail.  Very supportive talking about his recent cancer diagnosis, and that he has fought it, and that he is now in remission, and that they originally only gave him 2 - 4 months to live and now they are projecting at least 10 more good years.  He also told me that his mother had breast cancer back in the 70's and she lived into her 70's.  And I should know that cancer treatment is so much better now, that he is sure I am in good hands and that it was caught early will make a good prognosis.

Once I let family know, I sent out a notice to friends on facebook.  The outpouring of support and love overwhelmed me.  It made me feel so strong and knew I could get through this.  (Still I have only shed a few tears, not really cried.  My eyes have only just misted up in talking to my family)

I then called my one of my Best Friends Shanna, whose husband is a radiologist.  Told her the facts, still no tears, still in shock.  Shanna listened she told me she would do anything I needed, even come to appts with me as she is a stay at home mom with her little one Camilla.

I called my other Best Friend Denise in Chester.  Talked with her for a while. She is always do supportive to.  Again no tears.  Denise is so strong and supportive. 

I called and then texted my Best friend Mel, also my big sister in my sorority in Chesapeake, I also texted her husband, cause usually I get a better response from her, when I get him to have her call me.  She called me back within 20 minutes.  She was in shock, but strong and supportive.  Her older sister is in recovery from her Breast Cancer diagnosis.  She gave me her number to call to talk to her sister.  (Mel's family is like one of my second families.)  Mel sent her love and hugs and kisses.

I then attempted to call my Best Friends Eric.  I could not get in touch with him.  I texted him, two times saying I needed to talk to him.  (around 11am 2pm).  I finally just sent him a text to say I had Breast Cancer because I needed him to know, and I had no idea what his schedule was or where he was.  I was hoping when he saw that he would be able to call me back.  Not until almost 9:00pm did he call.  He had been in a conference all day.  He was in shock too.  Did not know much to say.  I wanted him to come over....but I knew 9:00 was late.  I just need a hug.

Having announced this diagnosis and seeing the loving support from old friends, new friends, friends and family of friends, and even from people I was not close to from HS and college is amazing and wonderful.  It makes me strong, knowing that everyone is there for me.  That through tragedy or something tuff, can come something strong.  I am so thankful for Facebook, as I think it helped me deal with the news in a great way!

My First Mammogram

I went to Washington Radiology Associates, for my First ever Mammogram.  I don't know what to expect, Have no idea what it is going to be like.  If someone had told me about what had happened....I did not remember at this time. 

So as I was sitting in the office, filling out the paperwork, I had to decide if I wanted the standard 2D mammogram or the new 3D one, which the extra cost I have to pay for $50.  Well, What is another $50 when your breasts are concerned, when possible cancer is concerned.  The 3D claims to be better imaging and seeing the lumps. 

I get called, change into the lovely hospital gown, and have my breasts smooched on that machine.  The nurse/ technician was as gentle as she could be, but they have to smash them.  She was like, ok, breathe.....now don't breathe.....She moved my arms and neck in positions where I started to have pain from my back/ neck problems from last year. 

When that was done, I was able to take off my gown and change back into my clothes.  I had worn a strapless sundress to make it easier....and waited in this little waiting room while the doctor looked at the images....

There were two other ladies in the waiting room.  I felt for sure everything was going to be okay at this point.  Nothing was going to be wrong.  One of the women had said she had to have some non-cancerous lumps removed.  I was getting a little nervous....

Then the nurse came back in and said she needed to do a few more images.....I was like, oh please don't let there be anything wrong, I know there is nothing wrong.  I was trying to be positive, the way I tell my clients to be positive to keep my anxiety at bay.  So back in I went for more breast smashing....

I was then called into the doctors office and told that they saw the "lump" and wanted to do a biopsy of it, to see if it was cancerous or benign. Again....I was like, It's got to just be a neurfibroma.  There is no way I have cancer.  They were great, set me up for an appt for a biopsy for the next day June 8, 2012.

I of course informed all my family members, my brother said, it's prob nothing.  It could be a Neurofibroma.  He wanted to be kept in the loop.  Called  Shanna and Denise for support too.  I texted my friend Eric, who I am super close with and he said he had thought he had felt a mass the other week....he did not tell me.  Eric and I have known each other forever(1996) and I am super close to him about personal stuff regarding health and physical illnesses stuff.  Maybe he just did not think to tell me.  I am not sure he realized he should have said something to me, as I do have fibrous breasts.  I never felt the mass and I wash my body everyday feeling myself up.

Not Your Ordinary "Routine" Physical

On May 30th I had what I thought was going to be a routine physical.  I would get my heart, ears, and eyes checked.  Have my blood drawn for the usual lab work to test for cholesterol, vitamin deficiencies, thyroid, STDs, etc.  I also was having my annual Pap smear and breast exam.  Check on some skin stuff I had questions about.

But as my primary was doing the breast exam, she exclaimed to me that she felt a small lump on the outer side of my left breast.  She asked me if I had noticed this before.  Uhh, no!!  I don't routinely do self-check breast exams as they show you.  But I do feel my breasts often enough to have an idea if I feel something odd, and HONESTLY, I NEVER did.  I was freaking out!  She said to me, I am going to send you to have a mammogram, it could be ANYTHING, a cyst, fibrous tissue, and even for me a Neurofibroma (a non-cancerous tumor related to my Neurofibromatosis.)  I kept saying to myself, Please don't let this be cancer, please don't let this be cancer.....

I called for the Mammogram and it was scheduled for June 7, 2012, almost a week later.  Praying, trying to think positive to the mammogram.