A Wonderful Surprise....Cancer Free???

SOOO, the 16th of January has come and gone....and I survived the procedure!!!  I had to be at the hospital at 10:30am.  My surgery was supposed to start at 12:30pm.  It however did not start until closer until 2:30/ 3:00pm.  I meet with both Dr. Spear, Dr. Tousimis and their teams prior to the surgery.  Both Dr. Spear and Dr. Tousismis made markings on my breasts.  While waiting felt like it was a "hurry up and wait game having had to be their at 10:30.  I was ready, I was hungry and thirsty...I had not had anything to eat since midnight the night before.  People kept coming and asking me the SAME questions OVER and OVER again....checking my wrist band, making sure I knew my name and birthday. 

Finally The anesthesiologist came. I had to convince her to put the IV in my arm....she wanted to put it in my hand...NO Way was I going to let that happen.  Man they hurt there...and especially with the Neuropathy,it would be killing me.  But she had to put it in the right arm!  SMH, kinda dumb considering I am right handed. 

Another 30 - 40 minutes pass before they take me back for surgery.  I am wheeled back in a wheel chair.  I remember helping myself onto the surgery table and laying down, but that is it.  The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery.  In recovery I am in PAIN, SHARP pain, especially on the right side.  Soon my parents are allowed back into recovery with me, I struggle to stay awake.  While waiting, I get a call from some people checking on me to see how I am doing (thank you) and the nurse gives the information to the room I am being moved to.  I am coming in and out of it, as they are giving me some good pain meds!!  I am then brought upstairs to my room and my parents come with. 

Although it is late and my parents leave, I struggle with sleeping.  I am hungry.  I drink lots of water, do go to the bathroom a few times, but am not given anything to eat except some crackers due to one of the meds I was given.  I am given lots of pain meds, as I had very tight pain, especially on the right side.

My roommate was loud.  She was coughing, her IV was going off twice as many times as mine.  Mine went of each time I bent my arm, which was why I was annoyed they put the IV in the right arm and not the left.  So they taped my arm to an arm board so I would not bend it. I tried to sleep....but that really did not happen.  I think between, the beeping of my machine, my roommates coughing, her beeping machine, the lights coming on on her side, doctors coming in on my side, and the nurses phone ringing, I could sleep 20 min at a time.

By breakfast time I was hungry....but it was nasty...cold SW scrambled eggs, some type of cold potatoes (actually OK), cold oatmeal (nasty), and cranberry and apple juice.  The internists and medical staff from the teams started to come and talk to me.  I also saw Dr. Tousimis.  Everyone looked at the surgery...they said it looked great.  I was told it went great!! 

I was told....when Dr. Tousimis went in to remove the breasts she did not see any cancer and removed extra margins beyond the spot to be extra cautious.  She said I have nice skin too.  I was taught how to drain (fun) the four drains.....they look like little hand grenades filled with red liquid.  Got to come home the day after surgery.  I have pain meds, some antibiotic, and a shot I have to give myself courteous of the hematologist.  (Not to bad, since I am so used to it from the fertility treatments.)

So we have been doing the drains, emptying them out (have four of them)....pain comes and goeson my sides and some in my upper chest area.  I am tired but can't sleep. I think all is going to be good though.

Have an appointment Tuesday with Dr Spear and Thursday with Dr.Tousimis.  Should get the drains out at either of those appointments.  I will find out when I go back with Dr. Spear to get the implants put in.  (I think he said 3 - 4 months, so around my birthday). 

Oh and another wonderful thing has been happening....I have been getting these great cards from all these wonderful people through an organization called "Give a Smile Today."  It is so great to receive cards from all over from a whole bunch of people. 

90% Risk Free

New Boobies = New Beginnings = No More Cancer (hopefully)



So I have not been "blogging" in a long time.  I have not been doing anything worth you all hearing about I guess.  The same ole, same ole.  Working and trying to pay the bills.  November 16th, as you saw in my last blog was my last Chemo treatment!!  YAY!!   I have had 2 treatments of just Herceptin.  Both of those treatments went well.  No side effects from these treatments, however I am still trying to recover from side effects from my first and last two rounds of chemo.

The last two rounds of chemo left me with Neuropathy in my hands and feet.   My hands continue to get numb, tight and stiff throughout the day and night. I loose sensation in my fingers where it is hard to feel things as you normally would.  (It's hard to explain.  I can feel that it's there, but the sensation is different.)    Sometimes my hands also are super cold as well. The pain often extends up through my arm. I have a hard time bending my fingers. These symptoms are worse in the morning and when I wake up.   It really helps when I either massage my hands, have someone else massage my hands or I use a squeeze/ stress ball.  My feet also get numb, sensation is also lost in my feet (much like when your feet falls asleep from sitting on it too long), also it feels like my feet get super hot and super cold, even though the temperature of them has not changed, pain extends up my legs as well.  My ankles crack and toes are sore.

I also am retaining water.  My ankles, legs, face, and body is slightly bloated.  I have been unable to wear my shoes at times.  For one week I had to wear slippers.  I bought Dr. Scholls For Her Fast Flats.  (They look like ballet shoes, but are a little more sturdy.)  Now I can wear shoes again for most of the day, but by the end of the day my feet are swollen again and burning. 

I have been given meds for both....but it is going to take a while for them to help, more so the meds for the Neuropothy.  I was told that rebuilding the nerve cells takes time.  It could be 4 months to a year.  UGH!!! Not Fun!!

 

 

My first treatment as you remember I started to loose my hair....well, it has started to grow back!!  Yay!!  Slowly...but it is growing back.  It is so soft.  I love touching it.  I think it is like 1/4th of an inch.  A few strands may be a bit longer.  I am so ready for it to be longer.  I am still wearing my wigs.

Now let's get to the fun stuff!!  I have gone to my plastic surgeon (at Georgetown), my oncologist, my original breast surgeon, a new breast surgeon (at Georgetown), a hematologist and had a pre-op for surgery.  I had to schedule and meet a new breast surgeon because I wanted to have my plastic surgeon do my reconstructive surgery, and he only practices at Georgetown.  My Breast Surgeon only practices at Fairfax.  I like my new Breast Surgeon.  My Plastic Surgeon (Dr. Scott Spear) recommended my breast surgeon (Eleani Tousimis), also at Georgetown  (she was also just on CBS talking about the #MissUSA who is also going to have a double mastectomy.  I am also scheduled to have an MRI on Sunday at 8:45am.

 

 So the big day is December 16th.  I have to be at Georgetown at 10:30am and my surgery starts at 12:30pm.  I am having a bilateral nipple sparing mastectomy with immediate reconstruction using allerderm (tissue expansion.)  I will have to be in the hospital that night at the minimum; one night more if I need it.  The 18th, in the afternoon, I have a herceptin treatment.  UGH!!  I was told it would take at least a week for me to have tubes which need to have tubes which need to be drained.  Depending on how well I heal, I will try to go back to work after a week, otherwise I will take off more time.  I really can't take off more than a week due to 1.) Needing the money to pay all the bills.  2.) My clients needing me.  I don't want to take more than a week not seeing them.

 

While I am laid up for a week or more, my wonderful co-worker/ boss and office manager are giving me movies (Twilight and several Romantic comedies) and some great full TV series to watch (Big Love and Sex and the City).  Hopefully my girlfriend Denise will be able to come up and take care of me, otherwise my mom will be taking care of me.  I hope to be able to stay at my place, as I want to sleep in my own bed.  It would be so much better!!! While I am laid up, please feel free to contact me, e-mail me or call!!  I would love to hear from you!!

So all of the doctors appointments, the herceptin treatments and the surgery will probably max out my deductible and out of pocket payment for my health insurance right at  the start of January.  My deductible is $2,500 and my out of pocket is $5,000.   Each Herceptin treatment alone is close to $9,000.  I have no idea how much each doctors visit is going to be, how much the MRI will be on the Sunday before the surgery, how much the pre-op appointment will be, nor how much the surgery will be.  But I do know that when I stayed in the hospital last January for my migraine in the ER, the bill was over $8,000.  I am sure this surgery will be way more than that.

 

I will have to pay for my bills up to the first $2500 (my deductible), then I pay 30% of the fees until I reach my out of pocket maximum ($5000).  By the end of January 18th, I think I am going to reach that, and I have NO idea how I am going to pay it!!  I surely do not have that kind of money.   I am still trying to pay back my medical bills from last year, despite all of everyone's help.  I still have several thousands of dollars left to each one.  AYE!!  Also I am going to have to start paying my student loans, which I have been lucky to defer for a long time.  My deferment period is going to end in March and I have no extension time left.  I just want to get out of debt so that I can enjoy life and do fun things.  I want to be able to go on vacation.  I want to be able to not feel guilty for eating out.  I want to not feel guilty if I buy anything that is not a necessity.  I feel like I have to work consistently

so that I can make as much money as I can so I can pay back my bills. Money is always on my mind, and I don't want it to be.  I have the lowest cable, internet, and phone plan possible.  I eat and buy as little as possible.  I rarely buy anything new in regards to clothes or gadgets/ items.  I have not been on a vacation in a long time.  My parents pay/take me to the VT Hokie games.  I save up/ put on my credit card a trip to go see a friends wedding, but do the shortest trip possible and try to do the cheapest way I can.  Hopefully one of these days money won't be as big of an issue and.  Hopefully I can feel like I can save money and feel free to enjoy some life too.

The Next Steps

It has been 11 days since my last cancer treatment!!  YAY!!  I still have neuropothy in my hands and feet, still don't taste things quite so right, and still get an upset stomach.  But I know that will slowly get better in the coming weeks. 

I met with my plastic surgeon to discuss the steps I need to take for the whole "mastectomy/ reconstruction" stuff yesterday.  We discussed that I would have a double nipple sparring mastectomy.  Also because I was not "fat" enough I would have to have implants and have a two step procedure where they would put a expander in first called AlloDerm.  However, due to my plastic surgeon working at Georgetown and my cancer surgeon working at Fairfax I ended up adding an extra step into my procedure.  I have to set up an appointment to see a new cancer surgeon at Georgetown who will do the mastectomy.  This appointment is now set up for Dec 10th.  (Hopefully even though this appointment is that late I can still have the surgery in the month of December.)

I am still seeing my cancer surgeon this Thursday, the 29th as well and letting her know what is happening.  I am sure I will have to get scans to see what happened to the cancer, but I will update you when I know all that. 

Well that is it for now.....just lots of doctors appointments, and lots of craziness!!  I just want it to be over with....but I know, it is an ongoing process....especially with me having to go every three weeks for Herceptin, and taking Tamoxifen for 5 years.

The Final Chemo Treatment

Today I had my Final Chemo Treatment!!!  Yay!!!  These past 3 months have gone by soooo fast! I can not believe it.  I am so excited!!  Just need to get over this one week hump of super bad feelings after the chemo and I can manage the other two weeks before my hair starts to grow back. 

 

 

I have a meeting set up with my plastic surgeon in 10 days, so hopefully by the end of the year that can be taken care of.  I will also have to go back every three weeks for Herceptin, but my oncologist said there is no side effects from this and I can go back to eating and doing all those things I had to stop doing.  (Sushi, manicure pedicures, Indian Buffets, Brunch Buffets, etc)  :-)  And as mentioned my hair will start to grow back!!!  I am so excited to have my hair grow back and see what color and style it comes back as!!

 

I still need to contact my Cancer doctor to see what tests need to be run, and will do that Monday, so hopefully I can get that in before my appointment before my surgeon sees me, so nothing will mess up surgery.  I will let everyone know the plans.  I would like to start off 2013, with a FRESH start!!  Be Cancer Free, with new boobies!!! 

 

Thanks again for everyone's support!! I meet some of you recently who have supported me who are new friends and it is great!!!  Can't wait to meet a few more of you!!  A positive attitude sure has helped a lot!!  It has passed the time and made me forget about the struggles.

 

Here is to a good quick week and three week period until my hair grows back!!  YAY!!!!

 





Biopsy, Echocardiogram, Fertility Testing Oh My!!

So since my last posting it has been a little crazy to say the least.  I have wanted to post, but I have been running around a bunch. Let me fill everyone in on what has been going on in Jenna land.

I had a fairly relaxing weekend.  I went to the pool during the day on Saturday.  Then I meet up with two beautiful girls in Bethesda. (Bebe and Tara) and had a wonderful girls night out.  We had a drink at the Barking Dog.  And then had Tapa's at Jaleo.  YUM!! We met an guy who was very talkative and had an artistic talent with regards to paper.  I personally did not mind him, although Tara did not like him to much.  :-)

Sunday was spent relaxing, doing laundry, cleaning a bit, picking up prescriptions and going to the grocery store.

Monday 79/12 Was very busy.  I had two medical appointments.  I started the day at 8:15am to get my mediport checked.  Everything was okay there.  They needed to make sure it was healing okay.  I asked questions about what signs I needed to look for, in case of infections.  As I am at risk of blood clots.  She said, fever, soreness in the arm, no muscle tone, swelling in the arm and neck. 

After that appointment I had to go to have an echo cardiogram.  This appointment was at 9:40am This is where they basically look at your heart with a sonogram machine.  The appointment was to last about 40min.  You lay on your left side propped up with some cushions, laying your head on a pillow.  97% of the way in to the procedure, the power goes out in the building and the building next to us.  The office is in Fairfax across from Fairfax Hospital.  I was told to wait on the table for about 5 min until they could figure out what was going on.  They were all walking around with their phones using the flashlight apps, it was very comical.  I got dressed by *my* flashlight app, and was escorted out.  They said they got the most important scans.

I then went on to work and had four clients that day from 11:30 - 4:00. 

on 7/10/12 I went in for my MRI biopsy.  Let me just tell you, this was a bizarre experience.  So it starts off like the regular Breast MRI, except only my right breast hung through the opening.  They started the scan like they usually did, administered the dye when they needed to, until they found what they were looking for, and then pulled me back out.  All the while I needed to remain still.  Then they cleaned off the area, pricked me with the anesthesia drug and numbed the area asking me if I still felt anything.  I said no at some point.  The she said I would hear a drilling sound when she was putting the biopsy needle in.  This was different than the other biopsy.  At some point I began to feel it.  I felt burning.  She had to stop and give me more anesthesia.  But was so nice.  Quickly did that, apologized.  And then started up again and it was over real quick.  The put a marker in.  Mary the nurse clean the area and bandaged it, and then took me upstairs for a Mammogram for images of the marker. After that she cleaned the area and put gauze on it.  She gave me instructions for the next few days and sent me on my way. 

I went to work for a consult from 10:00 - 10:30 came home and then went back to work from 4 - 6:30.

On 7/11/12 I went to the Fertility Clinic as scheduled as I had thought I had started my period on Monday 7/9/12.  But it stopped 7/10/12 and did not reappear.  But they went forward with the blood work and ultrasound anyway.  It came back that my hormones were not ready and it might have just been a false start of my period due to stress.  They wanted me to come back today 7/13/12 to check again.  I then had a 11:00 client and a 12:00 consult.  I was supposed to have a client at 4:00 but at 3:00 they canceled because the little girl had a fever.  So I went home early.  That night I met up with a great old friend from high school, Shannon, who is in the states from Canada.  It was great fun visiting with her.

7/12/12  My day started off very nice, I got to have breakfast with a college buddy, Clay before I went to Therapy.  We shared Bagels.  Then I had Therapy before heading to a long day of work.  I worked from 12:00 - 6:00  Three clients and 2 consults.  I had a date at 7:00.  He was really nice and I hope I get to see him again.  But I think it will be hard to explain the whole cancer think.  I don't know how to do that, and what he will think.  Or when to do that.

7/13/12.  I have no clients today.  YAY, except, this week was one of the smallest amount of clients in a long time and that does not bode well with my budget.  I really need to get more clients that (10 a week)  I need 2x that many.  UGH!!  But today I went back to the fertility clinic and my period I think is beginning...and we are set to begin today.  So I am to take the Femara pills tonight with the Lovenox shots.  Then in two days begin the Gonal F and the Menopur shots. 

At 12:00 I am going to meet up with two old work buddies for lunch in Alexandria and then I have an appointment to talk with someone about wigs.  So a busy day. :-)

A very Important Surgery!

Has my cancer spread is the big question.  Do I have cancer in my lymph nodes?  Today I had surgery to see if the cancer has metastasized into my lymph nodes.  This is very common in breast cancer.  Especially where my tumor is located, so close to my arm pit area. 

Mom and dad picked me up super early, as I had to be at the hospital at 9:00 am for pre-surgery.  I had to stop eating 12:00am.  I woke up ready for the surgery.  I am an old pro at surgery.  I was not really nervous.  Not even worried to if they were going to find something. I felt confident they wouldn't.  Well....I think really I was not thinking about the results. I was just "doing" the surgery. 

Pre-op was fine, a bazillion nurses, doctors, med students, residents, etc, came in and out of the little cubicle after you are changed into your hospital gown, given a few warn blankets and a lovely "hat" to wear.  They all asked the same or similar questions.  (what meds are you taking, what is your name and bith date, when was the last time you ate and took your meds....)

My doctor came in, and she was really nice, Dr Cocilovo.  A lot different impression than I had the first time.  About 10 - 15 min after I saw her I was being wheeled into the operating room.  After that I don't remember anything until I woke up.  I woke up to a sweet nurse who asked if I wanted anything to drink.  She gave me water, asked my pain level from 1 - 10 and gave me some pain meds.  She did this several times.  It was here I learned the good news that I had no cancer cells in my lymph nodes!!  YAY, I cried happy tears!!  I asked the nurse if I could give her a hug I was so happy.  I did not realize how much I really cared until then.  Of course I cared, but I think it hit me.  :-)  Another 15 - 20 min I was moved to where I could see my parents and then another 15 min I was able to go home.

Now, I was told I could only eat (chicken soup) afterwards, but I wanted Popeye's and mashed potatoes.  And that is what I made my dad get me.  I ate it too, and did not get sick!!  HAHA!!  :-)
Mom and dad stayed with me for a while.  Then I was able to relax. 

I set up an appointment for the next day to get my hair cut, because I have been told it is better to have it short when you start to lose it.   My hair dressor is awesome and I knew he would take care of me.

More Cancer???

So today I am to have my second Biopsy.  I know what to expect this time, so I was not to nervous.  The people at Washington Radiology Associates are awesome.  Today though, I had to wait a lot longer than usual.  They were behind schedule.  Mary was my nurse again.  She brought me back and went over the same questions as before.  I was ready for the biopsy and waiting for the doctor to come in.  Today I had Julianne Greenburg, MD.  She is actually the Director of Mammography at WRA.  She was super nice and as I talked to her, she actually knew my plastic surgeon who I want to use if needed.  It is kinda cool that all of the doctors I am using know each other and have worked together.  It makes me feel good.  Especially since they all are at different hospitals. 

She was able to see what they had noticed in the left breast and able to do a biopsy on the left one, but unable to see what the MRI picked up on the right breast.  She had said that most likely the doctor will want to do a MRI biopsy of the right breast to make sure there is nothing in the right breast.  I was thinking, UGH!!  Just another appointment.  I am not concerned or worried that there is anything there....I am almost certain it is NOTHING.  I am just tired of all the appts, and the cost, don't let me get to you on how the cost of this  is scaring the heck out of me!!

After the biopsy, you have to go in and have another mammogram.  A couple of scan where they squeeze your boobs.  Not fun after they put a needle in you boob. 

So they bandaged me up, gave me a little ice pack to put in my bra and sent me on my way.  I went on my way to work to wait to hear the results.  (Negative to any cancerous cells BTW ;-) )

My Back Up Plan

Met with Dr. Staffen at Shaddy Grove Fertillity with my mom and dad.....well more my mom because my dad was to embarressed to come back and talk about everything with the doctor.  Discussed my fertility options with him.  He talked about the process and what could happen.  He asked my specific questions regarding my history.  Because I had nothing definitive set up with my treatment start date, he said he would talk with my oncologist and work with her.  Dr. Favret said she felt confident and was comfortable waiting so that I could do fertility preservation.

Another positive notem Dr. Staffen said that because I had two other family members who had neurofibromatosis, they could test my eggs for it and see if they were positive for it.  This would be important to ensure my children if (needing to go this route) did not have Neurofibromatosis.

Freazing and implantation of eggs that result in a pregnancy is a 50% rate.  But it is a chance I want to take.  It is a chance I need to take, just in case.  I know most likely I will either not lose it at all or get it back if I do when Chemo is over. 

I finished filling out some financial forms to help me with financial assistance due to having cancer and felt pretty confident that I was going to get much assistance with this process.  If not, it was going to be really expensive.  But I was willing and ready to put it in my credit cards.  As I was already looking at applying for another one if needed.  Normaly the whole process cost $9500 if the insurance does not cover, and this is not including other testing and office visits etc.  My insurance will cover some of that, but it does not cover the fertility process at all.  I have found out at I am eligible for a reduced cost. 

A Whole New Life Ahead

Today is the day I met with my Oncologist, Anne Favret.  She is amazing.  I loved her.  She was super friendly and went over my Breast Cancer Profile and Breast Cancer Journey in detail with me so that I understood.  So here it is from the latest readings, of the biopsy, mammogram, and MRI:

Size: 1.4 cm
Grade: Moderately Growing
ER: + (good) suggesting a less aggressive tumor
PR: + opens up treatment options
HER2 neu: + (good)  --> acts as a powerful target for treatment
Lymph nodes:  (did not know at the time) *** but now know*** Negative

Histological Subtype: Invasive ductile Carcinoma (most common)

I will be given shots of Zoladex, once a month to quiet my ovaries to help with protecting fertility.

I will be receiving:

Taxotere, Carboplatin, and Herceptin (Targeted therapy --> monocloval ab)  (these are commonally called TCH

I will get 6 treatments every three weeks (21 days) for 18 weeks.  The day after each treatment I will get a shot of Neulasta which will help with my White blood Cells.

I will The continue to receive herceptin every three weeks to complete a year.

I will likely lose my hair within the 2nd week of the first treatment.  It will begin to grow back after the 6th treatment. 

After Chemo ----> Surgery ---> Radiation -----> Pill (Tamoxifin for 5 years)  if I go into early menopause they will switch me to Arimidex and Femara.

She also went over the some of the possible side effects of the chemo I will be taking:

fatigue - the first several days following, nausea, hair loss, possible menopause (but it can come back)

She said these also happen with some people but not all of them:

mouth sores, lowering of the heart rate, lowering of white blood cells, mild anemia, numbness/ tingling in extremities, swelling in joints, remote leukemia, constipation, diarrhea

WOW!!!  Lots of information!!  That's going to be my life for the next 5 years?  Wow!!!  I was just taking it in.  I was thinking, I think the only thing I was thinking was I can't have kids for 5 years now!!  UGH!!  (not that I have anyone to have a child with...but it just sets me back.)  I can handle the rest of this....but the tamoxifin for 5 years?  UGH!!  I know it is necessary.  But wow....I hope someone will want me and will want to deal with that.

The Day that Changed My Life Forever

I was starting my day as usual, today on June 12th.  I had a client I had to see at 9:00am at my office in Herndon.  I was scheduled to see 3 more clients later that afternoon at 4:00 - 7:00pm.  While I was with my 9:00 client I missed a call from the radiologist, Angelique Flourke from Washington Radiologist Associates.  She told me she had the results of the biopsy she had preformed on June 8, 2012.  Before leaving the office to go home until my afternoon clients I tried to call Dr. Flourke back.  She was with a patient at that time so I was told she would be able to call me when she was finished. 

I packed my stuff to go home, praying for good news, praying that it was benign, and that if at most it would be a Neurofibroma that needed to be removed because maybe it was growing to big.  I could handle that. 

I was driving home, and I got the call from her.  I had to pull to the side of the road.  I was on route 50, headed east, just passed 66 and Fair Oaks Mall.  I had to pull to the side of the road so I could talk to her.  I pulled out a notebook I had in my bag and listened.  Not to well mind you....my mind was racing a mile a min.  She said what we found was cancer cells.  She told me I had a form of cancer called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  I had to have her spell it out...one because I was shocked, and two as everyone who knows me, knows I can't spell worth a darn.  She said the tumor was "small" about 1cm in size.  She said I need to call a Oncology Breast Surgeon.  She had given me the name of Dr. Constanza Cocilovo at INOVA Breast Cancer Center.  She was able to give me the number for her.  She told me she would call my primary doctor to let her know the results.

I did not cry, I was in shock.  I think some tears fell, but I knew I needed to get home before I called anyone.  I wanted to call someone right then...but I did not know if I could talk, or if I would break down or what.  I just could not believe it.

The first call I made was to my Office manager Brenda Park.  I told her I need to cancel my afternoon appts because I just found out I had breast cancer.  Brenda is wonderful.  She listened and was supportive and she took care of canceling the appts for me so I did not have to worry about them.

Then I called my dad, as he is not working, having been layed of and looking for another job.  Again, no tears, just trying to get the information I got.  I was also trying to frantically look up stuff on the Internet to better understand what was going on. 

My dad called my mom at work and she came home.  She told me she broke down and cried at work.  I hate to see, or hear my parents in pain.  They have been through so much because of me.  From the time I was born they have had to go through many hospitalizations and what not, through my depression issues.  I just want things to be good so I can not make them so sad.  (I know I am not the cause of all these things, I do feel some guilt, (cognitive distortion), but I want them to be able to relax and not have to "worry" about me and take care of me for once.  It was finally happening until this!!

Mom called when she got home.  Talked with her.  I then needed to talk with my brother.  I think my brother took it super hard.  I don't know.  My brother and I have a good relationship, but we don't hang out.  I know my brother cares about me and worries about me a lot in all aspects of my life.  He always has.  He has stood up for me when I was teased when I was younger.  He looked over me when going out to make sure guys don't take advantage of me.  He is a wonderful brother.  He is my younger, but very mature, caring, loving and understanding brother.  He listened, he did not say much because I am assuming he did not know what to say.  He told me to be strong, not to go out and drink to much, because that was what he would do.  He said we can get through this.  It was at the time one of the longest conversations I have had with my brother on the phone and I loved it.  I try to wear a necklace he gave me for Christmas in 2009, when I was really depressed, as much as I can, as it makes me feel close to him, and that he is there for me.  (It is the loving embrace or warm embrace necklace from Kay Jewelers.) 

My dad called my relatives, and I got a call from my Aunt Trish.  She lives in Destin Florida.  She told me if I wanted a break she would send me a ticket to Florida to visit.  I would love to, let's see if I can get this fit in somewhere!!

My Uncle Craig, sent me e-mail.  Very supportive talking about his recent cancer diagnosis, and that he has fought it, and that he is now in remission, and that they originally only gave him 2 - 4 months to live and now they are projecting at least 10 more good years.  He also told me that his mother had breast cancer back in the 70's and she lived into her 70's.  And I should know that cancer treatment is so much better now, that he is sure I am in good hands and that it was caught early will make a good prognosis.

Once I let family know, I sent out a notice to friends on facebook.  The outpouring of support and love overwhelmed me.  It made me feel so strong and knew I could get through this.  (Still I have only shed a few tears, not really cried.  My eyes have only just misted up in talking to my family)

I then called my one of my Best Friends Shanna, whose husband is a radiologist.  Told her the facts, still no tears, still in shock.  Shanna listened she told me she would do anything I needed, even come to appts with me as she is a stay at home mom with her little one Camilla.

I called my other Best Friend Denise in Chester.  Talked with her for a while. She is always do supportive to.  Again no tears.  Denise is so strong and supportive. 

I called and then texted my Best friend Mel, also my big sister in my sorority in Chesapeake, I also texted her husband, cause usually I get a better response from her, when I get him to have her call me.  She called me back within 20 minutes.  She was in shock, but strong and supportive.  Her older sister is in recovery from her Breast Cancer diagnosis.  She gave me her number to call to talk to her sister.  (Mel's family is like one of my second families.)  Mel sent her love and hugs and kisses.

I then attempted to call my Best Friends Eric.  I could not get in touch with him.  I texted him, two times saying I needed to talk to him.  (around 11am 2pm).  I finally just sent him a text to say I had Breast Cancer because I needed him to know, and I had no idea what his schedule was or where he was.  I was hoping when he saw that he would be able to call me back.  Not until almost 9:00pm did he call.  He had been in a conference all day.  He was in shock too.  Did not know much to say.  I wanted him to come over....but I knew 9:00 was late.  I just need a hug.

Having announced this diagnosis and seeing the loving support from old friends, new friends, friends and family of friends, and even from people I was not close to from HS and college is amazing and wonderful.  It makes me strong, knowing that everyone is there for me.  That through tragedy or something tuff, can come something strong.  I am so thankful for Facebook, as I think it helped me deal with the news in a great way!

My First Biopsy

A biopsy, what is that?  I was not taking anyone to this appt, because no information was going to be exchanged...just some simple procedure.  I met the most wonderful RN and Breast Care Navigator, Mary McCarthy.  She was super sweet, gentle and very loving.  Talking with her about how I found out and that if and when I have my breast surgery, I wanted to have Dr. Scott Spear do anything related to breast reconstruction on my breasts. 

(He is an  amazing plastic surgeon, who when I was younger, did all of the reconstructive surgery to my face, in fact he did all of the surgeries but one to help my face look my symmetrical and help my right eye sink back in.  Taking a rib bone to use it as bone abound my eye, and leaving a minimal scar at a place where my breast would form and it would be totally hidden.  Since I was younger, Dr Spear began to specialize in Breast Surgery, both for cosmetic reasons and for people who have undergone partial and full mastectomies.  I joked with him when I last saw him early 2000's that if I ever needed anything done with my breasts he would be the one I would come to.) 

Mary knew of him, how can anyone not...as he his voted top in this area for this.  But Dr. Angelique Flourke, my Breast Radiologist also knew him and I think worked with him before at Georgetown where she had practiced.  Dr. Flourke was also familiar with Neurofibrmatosis, which is very reassuring.  She stated that it was one of the things they taught medical students about.  This put me at ease because that was one of my questions for them, could the lumps be a Neurofibroma.  She said with the biopsy they would find out.

The biopsy itself was not too painful.  They used an ultrasound machine to detect where the lump was, and then they marked the area.  Cleaned it, gave me a shot of numbing medication (ugh, I hate shots or injections!!!) The stuck in the thing for the biopsy.  It makes a clicking noise when in takes stuff, and I could not feel that. Just sounded weird.  They were both gentle and nice explaining everything along the way.  Mary then took me over to do another mammogram....YUCK!!  I hate those....smoosh of the boob in the machine.  Afterwards got little ice pack and was bandaged up.  I felt ok, a little sore, but ok. 

I had to get going because I had to meet up with three girls I placed for adoption in 2009 and their family as the oldest one just graduated.  I was going to meet them for lunch.  I was sooo happy to see them.  It kept my mind off everything that just went on.  Knowing how they are doing and what is going on in their lives.  One of the little girls has to undergo surgery herself this summer for the 3rd or more time. (not sure).  When working with her I had started the process to get her help as one of her legs is shorter than the other.  She was super special to me.  My young lady who was graduating was one I cared about a lot too, as she struggled the most emotionally and I know she has a strong heart and spirit.  And she said b/c of me, she wants to become a Social Worker.  That makes me so happy to have that influence.  It was also so great to see the little one.  She has grown up and is beautiful  She and I did not bond as much, but she is super special to me all the same.  Here are my girls below.  Despite what was going on in my life, I needed to see them and let them know how special they were to me.

Doing things kept my mind off of what was going on, and was not giving me a chance to worry what the results were.  Besides I did not think it was going to be anything.  Everyone was praying for me.  I knew it was going to be benign and just a Neurofibroma.

My First Mammogram

I went to Washington Radiology Associates, for my First ever Mammogram.  I don't know what to expect, Have no idea what it is going to be like.  If someone had told me about what had happened....I did not remember at this time. 

So as I was sitting in the office, filling out the paperwork, I had to decide if I wanted the standard 2D mammogram or the new 3D one, which the extra cost I have to pay for $50.  Well, What is another $50 when your breasts are concerned, when possible cancer is concerned.  The 3D claims to be better imaging and seeing the lumps. 

I get called, change into the lovely hospital gown, and have my breasts smooched on that machine.  The nurse/ technician was as gentle as she could be, but they have to smash them.  She was like, ok, breathe.....now don't breathe.....She moved my arms and neck in positions where I started to have pain from my back/ neck problems from last year. 

When that was done, I was able to take off my gown and change back into my clothes.  I had worn a strapless sundress to make it easier....and waited in this little waiting room while the doctor looked at the images....

There were two other ladies in the waiting room.  I felt for sure everything was going to be okay at this point.  Nothing was going to be wrong.  One of the women had said she had to have some non-cancerous lumps removed.  I was getting a little nervous....

Then the nurse came back in and said she needed to do a few more images.....I was like, oh please don't let there be anything wrong, I know there is nothing wrong.  I was trying to be positive, the way I tell my clients to be positive to keep my anxiety at bay.  So back in I went for more breast smashing....

I was then called into the doctors office and told that they saw the "lump" and wanted to do a biopsy of it, to see if it was cancerous or benign. Again....I was like, It's got to just be a neurfibroma.  There is no way I have cancer.  They were great, set me up for an appt for a biopsy for the next day June 8, 2012.

I of course informed all my family members, my brother said, it's prob nothing.  It could be a Neurofibroma.  He wanted to be kept in the loop.  Called  Shanna and Denise for support too.  I texted my friend Eric, who I am super close with and he said he had thought he had felt a mass the other week....he did not tell me.  Eric and I have known each other forever(1996) and I am super close to him about personal stuff regarding health and physical illnesses stuff.  Maybe he just did not think to tell me.  I am not sure he realized he should have said something to me, as I do have fibrous breasts.  I never felt the mass and I wash my body everyday feeling myself up.

Not Your Ordinary "Routine" Physical

On May 30th I had what I thought was going to be a routine physical.  I would get my heart, ears, and eyes checked.  Have my blood drawn for the usual lab work to test for cholesterol, vitamin deficiencies, thyroid, STDs, etc.  I also was having my annual Pap smear and breast exam.  Check on some skin stuff I had questions about.

But as my primary was doing the breast exam, she exclaimed to me that she felt a small lump on the outer side of my left breast.  She asked me if I had noticed this before.  Uhh, no!!  I don't routinely do self-check breast exams as they show you.  But I do feel my breasts often enough to have an idea if I feel something odd, and HONESTLY, I NEVER did.  I was freaking out!  She said to me, I am going to send you to have a mammogram, it could be ANYTHING, a cyst, fibrous tissue, and even for me a Neurofibroma (a non-cancerous tumor related to my Neurofibromatosis.)  I kept saying to myself, Please don't let this be cancer, please don't let this be cancer.....

I called for the Mammogram and it was scheduled for June 7, 2012, almost a week later.  Praying, trying to think positive to the mammogram.